Alien Art Depot Staff
It takes a full staff to keep Alien Art Depot working. Mostly becuase no one works that much - really, if someone did something sometimes, this all could probably be managed by one person. But why complain? I’m grateful just anyone comes to work. We have a strict work from the third dimension policy, but again, try keeping an interstellar worker under flourescents all day. Not going to happen. One of them actually said to me, “I’m the shit and I just hit the fan.” I know it’s a lyric from a song, (hint) but still, nothing happened, no PIP, no verbal or written warning, nothing. Can you imagine saying that to anyone at work? It’s total chaos here… I’m just saying, we’re bitching on this website like ‘oh intergalactic beings don’t come back and pick up their work boo hoo’, but really, does their order actually ever get done? lol you get it. Anyway, here’s the staff, just in case you need a name to write a complaint. (form found below) Enjoy your day.
Sueseven (no last name) - Art Director
Sueseven is the visionary founder and original creator of Alien Art Depot and takes every opportunity to lord it over the rest of the department’s heads and yearly bonuses. A quirky but staunch Gen Xer, she approaches work and play the same - she does neither. Sueseven’s responsibilities include scolling through her phone, moving meetings with galactic beings to tomorrow afternoon, gossiping, and smoking in the non-smoking section.
Stephen Suesir - Private Equity
Every successful business needs their money guy. Stephen Suesir, from Black Hole Private Equity Goup, aquired 49% of Alien Art Depot in 1995 when the eccentric rebel founder hung up her black mesh top and ripped Cavaricci jeans for the flowered skirt of motherhood and a cubicle. Mr. Suesir curently walks around the Depot and thumb flips gold coins at the workers as they toil for his gain.
Guxklingston (Gus) Krabernathy - Head of Intergalactic Sales
Gus, the international and interdimensional head of sales and marketing for Alien Art Depot was previously the lead sales entity for Black Hole Private Equity Group. Gus made the transition to intergalactic art sales and scheduling, as Gus wanted to spend more time with family, and believe me, he does. It’s hard to keep an employee on a timeclock when they can slip through timelines. His hobbies include submitting resumes, shopping for more red sweaters, and creating more shape accessories to surround his circle head.
Eus Tsirgeis - Website, Galactic Tech Support
Probably the one who should be the first person listed here, Eus runs the website, collects personal and private data on all of our customers for the company’s gain, and contacts customers on Earth and elsewhere. Currently seated under an airconditioning vent in a corner under flourescent lights, Eus is happy just to be left alone.
Portrait by Allison Oldakowski, Earth Artist
Chykhen Anahata-Tendyr - Chief Health Officer, Lead of Social Media and Customer Service
Chy, our CHO makes sure everyone does their yoga in the morning and skips the omelette for breakfast. She also handles customer care and crafts our unique social media presence. She squawks ‘less is more’ when it comes to social media - going against the prevailing theory and massive data that proves her wrong. To her credit, it is very hard to set up a TikTok account without fingers. The winds of our Titanic-like social media disaster and lack of cusotmer care may be changing in the future - we currently have a petition pending with the Galactic Council requesting to be governed only by Earth HR laws. However at this time, due to our interstellar business, we are governed by galactic HR laws and are required to have at least one employee with wings. Luckily Chy can’t read this because she can’t access the internet. But please don’t mention this to her if you see her. We don’t need more squawking in the office.
